if i die young

Yesterday while I was driving to work a song comes on the radio that I have heard before but never paid attention.  I decided to listen to it because I really liked the sound of it (even though it was country...on a pop station?) and the girl singing it had a pretty voice.  I had just enough time to hear the end of it by time I pulled into the parking lot.  And I am crying.  Lovely.  So now I have to sit in my car and regain my composure before I can walk into the office.  Suck it up Ashley!!!

The song is If I Die Young by The Band Perry

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh, uh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had, just enough time

And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've
Never known the lovin'of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand there's a boy here in town says he'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life, well,

I've had, just enough time

So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Uh oh (uh, oh)
The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time

So put on your best boys, and I'll wear my pearls

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some of the phrases in this song hit me pretty hard and you may be able to guess what a few of them are.  This song really got me thinking about something I try not to think about all too often.  

What if I die young?

Will I ever feel like I had enough time? No.

If I die young will I be OK with the way I have lived my life? Yes.

It may be tomorrow and it may be 70 years from now.  But I am not ready to go yet.  There are too many things I want to experience with Kiera and with Jimmy.  She needs me.  Jimmy needs me.   Will they know just how much they mean to me because I know I don't always show it.  I am working on that.

  

       There are things that are slowly changing in my head and in my heart.  I wish they would have changed sooner but they didn't.  I did the best I could at that point in my life.  But it has changed my perspective on Kiera and Jimmy.  I want them to know I am there for them.  To really try to slow down and listen and to be there for them.  Not so much of "later" or "in a little bit".  Things need to happen now because we won't always have later.   

I just hope that when the time comes for me to leave this Earth and go whereever we may or may not go I can say I am ready.  And be alright with leaving everyone behind.  Today is not that day.  I hope it's when I am 100 and Jimmy and I just happen to both die in our sleep at the exact same time.  But I really have no say in when I go so I will have to accept it when it comes wether I like it or not.