June 10, 2011

don't stand to close, i might freak out

9 or so years ago I am at work with when I get a call from Jimmy that I need to come to the hospital because she is gone.  I walked into the hospital room just 15 minutes after Jimmy's grandmother passed away.  I sat in the room along with her son and daughters, grandchildren and daughter in law.  We talked and reminisced.  Soon it was time to leave so her body could be taken away.  I never cried.  In her heart and mind she was ready to go.

Jimmy and I leave the room, walk to the elevator and wait our turn to enter.  

The elevator is full.  

Jimmy walks into the elevator first and I follow.  I am facing the doors when they close 6 inches away from my body. 

Jimmy places his hands on my shoulders.  

I close my eyes.  

I feel panic rising up inside of me.  My heart is racing.  

The elevator stops.  

I lean my head up and glance at the floor.  It's not ours.  No one gets off  and no one gets on, its full.  I close my eyes again.  

I am fighting the urge to scream.  I hold my breath.  

The elevator stops and Jimmy nudges me so I open my eyes and step out of the elevator.

Instantly I begin to bawl uncontrollably.  

Jimmy hugs me while we walk down the long hallway and says to me "I knew you shouldn't have come up to see Granny like this"

Sniffling and supping I tell him "It wasn't Granny."

He says "Well what is it?"

  "It was the elevatooooooooooor."

"What about the elevator?" he asks.

"There were too many people in it."

He laughs at me. 

And I continue to cry for 5+ minutes longer until we reach the car.


Crazy huh?  I have issues with groups of people standing to close to me.  Mainly strangers but I can get pretty clostrophobic around family and friends but I'm not gonna have a panic attack about them.  Full elevators=yuck.  Hallways in high school with 200+ kids trying to get out of the doors=yuck.  Standing in line at the grocery store and people standing to close behind me=yuck.  I will actually step out of line and stand to the side with one foot still in line to get relief from the panic.  I can handle things like the fair for the most part.  But the second I feel people are standing too close I wrap my arms around myself as try to shrink.  Even just thinking about it right now I can feel my heart to start beating faster.

Is there anything that makes you absolutely uncomfortable and want to scream and run away? 


jules said...

This made me laugh out loud. I hope that's okay, but I was just picturing the whole thing going down. Nice to meet ya! I'm enjoying your blog. Thx.

Ashleigh said...

I remember meeting up with you on a Day after Thanksgiving shopping morning and I know you are a bit like Ryan that he doesn't do good with crowds. I am glad I was there so that you could avoid standing in line...lol.

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