August 8, 2012

5 Years Ago on this very day

Today marks the 2nd most important day in my life.  The day I became a mom.  I cannot find the words to express the feelings I now have for this tiny little human.  I don't feel the same as I did the day she came into our lives.  I don't love her the same as that day either.  I feel so much more for her every passing day, and that will continue to grow until my time on this earth had ended.

I have never written down the events of the day Kiera made her debut in this world and today that changes.


6:00am - I get up to get ready for work and the first thing I do is pee, like I do every morning.  I notice there is some spotting like I lost my plug and think to myself "It seems a little early for that, but that doesn't necessarily mean it is anything."  I go on in to work.

8:10 am - Standing at my table at the bakery decorating a cake when I felt some leakage, thinking it was just some discharge I headed to the bathroom.  Wet pants is a sign that it was definitely not discharge but my water broke.

8:15 am - I go back and call Jimmy.  He doesn't answer.  I start to cry.  Not because my water just broke 5 weeks early and while I wasn't scared for Kiera's life and I knew she was most likely going to have to stay in the hospital for a while, but because Jimmy was on his way to the PGA Tour that morning and had warned me the evening before that he wasn't going to have his phone on him all day.  I knew in my heart Kiera would be fine, that if I had his baby while he was at the PGA Tour I could do it.  But he wouldn't be fine missing the birth of his daughter and neither would I.

8:17 am - Jimmy called me.  He just pulled in to the golf course and was turning right around to meet me at the hospital.  Yes I drove myself to the hospital, 3 miles down the road.

8:40 am - after going to wrong way to the hospital due to my inability to stop crying and for being so so so thankful that I got a hold of Jimmy, I arrive at the hospital.  I promptly enter the bathroom to clean up my leaking self.

8:50 am - After changing into a gown and getting swabbed to make sure that I am indeed leaking amniotic fluid, which I was, I was admitted.  Dilated to a 2,  -1.

9:00 am - I arrive in the room that I will do what my body was made for, where I become a new person, meet someone that we consciously created together.  And we wait.

12:25 pm:  I am almost dilated to a 3.  I am getting uncomfortable.  Not from contractions.  Oh no.  This was pressure pain from Kiera's little head pushing down on my pelvis.  Constant pain.  Never subsiding.  The nurse gave me Stadol which took off the edge but not the pain.  Jimmy had just left to go home to pick up some clothes for us but my parents were there to hang out for a while.

12:45 pm:  After Stadol kicked in.  Jimmy was back from home and I was still hurting but I didn't care.  My mom made the comment "Looks like the medicine kicked in."  Yes, yes it did.

1:15 pm:  Pitocin drip started.  I was progressing fairly well but not super quick.  I would ask about every hour for a nurse to check me to see if I had dilated anymore.  After one of the times the nurse checked me I felt like I was going to throw up.  She told me it was her fault and I asked how.  She said she had accidentally opened me up to a 4 and the rush of hormones that was release when she did that is what made me sick and that is also what causes morning sickness.  The extra hormones in your body.  Interesting.

3:00 pm:  I got my epidural since the Stadol wore off.  I was around a 7 by time I got it.  I wanted to wait as long as possible and to feel the pain of what my body was doing.  I wanted to experience it.  I still didn't feel any pain from contractions just the pressure.  Oh the pressure.  And I had enough of the pain by then.  I wanted it to be a pleasurable birth experience and not one where I was screaming at everyone.  I actually had to get the epidural twice because the first time I got this weird feeling like I was in a tunnel and things sounded weird and it was just...weird.  I am guessing that is what fainting would have felt like.  Strange because I have no problems with needles or anything.  The anesthesiologist didn't like my reaction to the first one so he moved the epidural to a new spot and I got lay around and do absolutely nothing for the remainder of the day.  My doctor also comes in to let me know I was lucky because she just started 24 hour shift at the hospital. 

5:00 pm:  I threw up. 

6:00 pm: Threw up again.

7:00 pm And again, I threw up.  I wasn't this sick during my entire pregnancy.  Now I was dilated to an 8!! 

9:00 pm - I am dilated to a 9 and my OBGYN decides that I should start pushing to bump myself up to a 10 so we can get the show on the road!  During this time we find out Kiera is face up so my doctor starts the process of turning Kiera's head to try and face her down.  Yep her hand was up in my ladies region for a while turning Kiera's head.  I push a little more and then we take a little 20 minute break so I can rest.  

 10:oo pm:  Pushing more.  Throwing up in the middle of pushing which was a big help in getting her to come down.  Awesome.  More pushing.  Working on getting Kiera's ear unstuck from under my pelvic bone.  My contractions are only HALF of what they need to be so I am doing the other half of the work pushing.  Nice.   My doctor kept telling me how great I was doing just pushing when I was told to, not complaining.  Um, I have to do this.  There is no other option.  I have to work for this baby and that is what I have wanted my whole life.  To give birth this way. 

Somewhere in here my doc told me that she wouldn't have had me push so long if Kiera would have been full term, I would have already had a c-section.  Excuse me what?  Apparently my bones are too narrow and she wouldn't have fit.  Funny how that worked out.  I would have been so sad if I had to have a c-section but would have done it anyway if that is what needed to be done. 

She was almost here.  I reached down and felt her head crowing.  The wheeled in the mirror so I could watch her come in to this world, only I couldn't see because my doctors head was in the way.

  My Doctor, her nurse, 3+ NICU nurses, Jimmy, me, and....

10:53 pm:  The absolute most beautiful 5lb 7oz 18 inch baby girl with a full head of dark brown hair was welcomed into this world with open arms and hearts.  She didn't cry but made a couple grunting noises.  Music to my ears.
(Dada getting ready to kiss me)


  (After Dada carried her to the NICU for her 13 day stay)

"Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."

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